The Purpose of Living in This World

Recently, I just found out one of our clinic staffs diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 4.

Currently in ICU, fighting for her life.

Apa yang buat I rasa terkesan adalah sebab...

I just saw her a few weeks ago at the clinic where I work.

She came for consultation dua kali, for similar complaints.

Demam, batuk & sakit kepala.

At that time, memang tak fikir apa-apa yang sinister.

Treated as common URTI.

Tapi, the second time dia datang tu, she looks really unwell.

And the symptoms has been almost 2 weeks. No signs of recovering.

So I suggested to go to the hospital for blood check up.

Since it's free kat sana. And she went few days after that.

Turned out, she has cancer.

How life can turn 180 in such a short time?

Adakah manusia menyangka bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan dengan hanya berkata: 'Kami beriman', sedang mereka tidak diuji (dengan sesuatu kesusahan)?

(Quran 29:2)

It reminds me that Allah dah tetapkan ujian yang berbeza-beza untuk kita.

And kita sebagai hamba yang beriman, perlu percaya dengan takdirNya.

I also believe that setiap ujian itu adalah satu cara Allah untuk tarik semula kita kembali ke jalanNya.

We are aware that this life is temporary.

We know that our main aim is syurga firdausi.

But in our minds and hearts penuh hal duniawi.

Allah sayang maka Allah uji.

Untuk kita kembali ke tujuan hakiki. 

"Nak baca insyirah lagi"

Dalam lemah dan lesu, she keeps on saying that to me. 

That was when I visited her at the hospital tengahari tadi.

So I guided her to recite the surah.

Surah yang kita ulang-ulang dalam solat tanpa kita menjiwai makna.

Hanya terkesan bila kesusahan menimpa.

"Apa salah ***** (mentioning her name) ?"

She kept saying that too.

She was probably wondering why she was the one chosen to get cancer.

Astaghfirullahalazim.

She made istighfar right after I reminded her to.

I reminded her that ini semua ujian and ketetapan Allah, she's a strong lady, that's why Allah pilih dia dengan ujian yang sangat berat. 

 

Deep in my heart, at that moment I felt that Allah sayang sangat dia.

She can easily say again and again Astaghfirullahalazim.

"I seek forgiveness from Allah, the Most Great"

Sedang ramai yang tak sempat bertaubat saat dekat dengan kematian.

Back then, I used to say that I wanted to die in a car accident. A sudden death, without having to suffer any pain and without having to depend on people to take care of me. But now, if I were ever given the option to choose the way I die, I would prefer that Allah gives me a chronic illness so that I know I will die soon. That way, hopefully, I will have time to repent.

But obviously I can't choose, so the best thing I can do adalah doa.

اللَّهُمَّ اخْتِمْ لَنَا بِحُسْنِ الْخَاتِمَةِ وَلَا تَخْتِمْ عَلَيْنَا بِسُوْءِ الْخَاتِمَةِ

"Ya Allah, akhirilah hayat kami dengan pengakhiran yang baik (husnul khotimah) dan jangan Engkau akhiri hayat kami dengan pengakhiran yang buruk.

Semoga kita sentiasa diberi kesabaran dalam menghadapi semua ujian di dunia ini.

Semoga Allah tetapkan hati dalam keimanan agar kita sentiasa di jalan yang Allah redha.

"Wahai anak Adam, jika engkau bersabar dan reda ketika ditimpa musibah pada permulaannya, Aku tidak reda memberi balasan untukmu melainkan syurga.

(HR Ibnu Majah & Ahmad)

.:Saksikan Bahawa Aku Seorang Muslim:.

Everyone Has Their Own Struggle

I ada patient yang minta MC almost every 2 months.

At first I was thinking she simply just want to skip work.

Tapi ada one time tu, dia datang and terus nangis.

So barulah dia cerita, dia sorang yang uruskan anak2 sebab husband kerja jauh, he had to leave home early and came home late. So she was the one yang perlu pick up and send the kids to school plus prepare the food etc. 

On top of that, at work, she was given a lot of responsibilities that she felt she couldn't handle it anymore.

She felt burn out but she has no other options.

My other regular patient, I just found out today that her mother was diagnosed with adrenal cancer stage 4 and currently admitted at the hospital.

She wants to be with her mom, but her baby refused anything but direct breastfeeding. So dia rasa bersalah tak dapat nak stay lama with her mother. I could see tears welling up in her eyes as she told the story.

Bila dah kerja for quite some time, asking the same question everyday "Sakit apa hari ini?"

Then dapat pula jawapan yang lebih kurang sama...

You can't help but starting to judge the patients based on the facial expressions, the body language & the number of visits.

Before they even come into the consultation room, kadang-kadang dah assume dia ni nak MC je, bukan sakit pun etc.

That unconscious, judgmental perception of patients unfortunately, affect negatively on how I treat them.

Sampai selalu lupa...

Memang ada je yang minta MC sebab malas kerja pastu buat2 sakit.

Tu urusan dia dengan Allah. Dah la cuba2 menipu doktor (padahal kita tau je if betul2 sakit or tak), dapat gaji sebab MC konon sakit tu rasa2 berkat ke?

Tapi ada juga nak MC sebab memang mentally drained. Emotionally unstable. Lethargic physically and mentally.

Dia takde sakit batuk selsema, demam ke apa.

Tapi dia just penat with all the burden in life.

So, all that we need is to be kind and not judgmental of others.

كُلُّ مَعْرُوفٍ صَدَقَةٌ

Setiap kebaikan adalah sedekah. (HR al Bukhari & Muslim)

.:Saksikan Bahawa Aku Seorang Muslim:.